This year, the same as every year, my New Year's resolution is to gain some weight. To that end, I try to buy as many fattening foods as possible but at the grocery store I have noticed a scary trend: sweet, fatty, high cholesterol, high calorie foods are becoming harder and harder to find.

This is no doubt a result of all the fat kid backlash that the US is now going through. Don't get me wrong, I hate the little fatties as much as the next guy, but still, don't steal my sweets! Go ahead, stroll down the cereal isle and compare it to when you were a kid. How many 'healthy' breakfast cereals are there now? It seemed that back in the glorious 80's (and probably before) there were new sugar kid's cereals appearing every week. Now breakfast cereal has become your daily source of fibre. This is wrong, dammit! Breakfast should be a sugar-punch in the face to kick-start your day.

Ever notice all the yogurt at the supermarket now has to have "Fat Free" written on it? It's probably becaues they think nobody will buy it otherwise. Wrong! I'd buy any yogurt that has taste and I'm not alone. I want to see bacon yogurt. I'm not counting my calories or watching my fat intake. I actually look at the calories on the back of packages and buy the stuff with the most per serving.

Let me tell you as a thin person, gaining weight is not easy. How do you fat people do it so easily?